Just a short bit of dialogue I was messing around with the other day. Bon appetite!
“You think zombies cry?”
“Come again?”
“Zombies. Shed tears. Weep. Cry.”
“Here—use this bag. Crying? That’s like wondering if trees fart.”
“It’s a serious philosophical question. Do they even feel pain? Have they got any sense of loss? You know, whatever’d make you cry a little.”
“Careful, he might hear you.”
“No ears, genius.”
“One’s right over there, under the dumpster.”
“So?”
“Yes, ok? They cry. Can we get back to this please?”
“Why would a zombie cry then?”
“Because all he wants to do is give us a hug and a kiss, and we keep running away.”
“Seriously, man.”
“Or he wants to share the Good News with you so that Jesus will live in your heart, but you won’t open the door for his prayer group. The fuck should I know? I don’t even think about this shit. Have you ever seen one cry?”
“Sort of; I saw one that looked pretty depressed. She was hanging out by the liquor store—”
“I’d cry if they ran out of vodka too—”
“—and she had this look on her face, like she was upset or hurt and–careful around the teeth. Yeah, turn the head around. Anyway, she just sat there on the sidewalk staring at nothing, and I felt kind of . . . I don’t know . . . sorry for her? Do you think she was remembering something sad?”
trees do fart – some of them give off clear aroma when touched.
Sounds like the equivalent of “pull my finger.” Pull my branch sounds pretty dirty though.
This post is hilarious! I was busting up reading it.lol
Thanks, man.
Bah! This would be perfect for like a humorous/horror movie- like Jennifer’s Body and Fright Night. You wanna collabo on a comedy show that looks at the softer side of zombies- that’d be hilarious. And yes, tress do fart. At least that’s what my dad and boyfriend tell me when the house smells like shit. Seriously, can you write more humor??? This is making my Sunday.